Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
