I didn't shave. On purpose
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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