Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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