somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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