Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
