I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fuck appropriateness.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
