i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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