apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
