I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
