Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
