I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
