the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
