I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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