Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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