just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
