Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
