So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
