So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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