There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize