Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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