he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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