I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
