just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He? As in you personified your dick?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
