I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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