Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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