And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there is glitter all over my balls
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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