i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
