You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
