just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
