My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
