GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
