Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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