shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
