So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
