If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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