You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
