I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
