He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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