Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
