Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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