i just sent this text using only my big toe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
