I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
