and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
