My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
