so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
