the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
