I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
