So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
