the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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