I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
